The knot in my stomach

So I have this knot in my stomach that just won't go away. Sometimes I can forget about it while I'm reading, or when I first wake up in the morning before I get oriented to where I am or what I'm doing. It's driving mecrazy to tell you the truth. I'm about one month away from my deployment. Last night I dreamed that instead of going to Iraq we actually ended up going to Virginia Beach like I did before. I'm only lucky enough for that to happen once so I'm sure that I've used up all of my good fortune. I'm not too afraid to go, just anxious. I don't want to leave my wife for a year. She's been gone this week and I feel like I've just been wallowing in self pity with out her around. It's tough to imagine what a year is going to be like. I think I've gotten a small taste of what it will be like for Karyn this week and it's not very fun. Sitting around waiting on her to call, not hearing from her for extended periods of time, and not having much time with her when we do get to talk.

So this knot of mine. I don't think it's going away for a while so I think I should get used to it. The problem is that it's almost incapacitating. I find it hard to do anything, and it's even harder to care. It's certainly that I don't care, it's just hard to feel like I care. There's so much going on and I just wish that I could fast forward to a year from now. Since that's not possible I guess I'll have to take it as it comes. In the days and weeks to come I hope I can get rid of this knot.